A Penny For My Thoughts

Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on - Louis L'Amour. 

My Current Journal; its a limited edition of Moleskine's Beauty and the Beast (Disney's 2017 film)

I haven't been writing in my journal as much as I need to. I've been wanting to journal but just haven't had the time or the energy to sit and write. Time does run away from me sometimes, or so it feels like it. I did end up sitting and writing for several hours the other night after I got home from work. It really did help clear my head as I just couldn't find it in me to sit down and write up until that point. I've been trying to push myself into writing more but writing, journaling, isn't something that can be forced. I'm someone who can't write if I have a time limit, so I struggle writing before work. I also can't write when I'm at work, because I don't really get official breaks (I do take breaks but they're always really brief and often involve me standing in front of the microwaves in the housekeeping office waiting for my food to heat up).

I've been using wassi tape on some of my journal pages to make them that much more interesting.

One of the reasons I keep a journal is because it allows me to work through various issues that come up in myself and in the world around me. My  life is full of a lot of various things that I've been working through and having had some big adjustments in my life over the last few months has given me a lot to write about, basically my adjustments to married life and the multiple changes in jobs over the last year (given I've had three jobs in the last eighteen months). I do enjoy my job. It's hard work, it has done a lot to form my character as there are those who I've had to work with that I've found a little bit challenging (they've left now and I don't know where they're gone as I'm not friends with them on Facebook). I think that my job isn't really a job, it more of something I enjoy doing because I get to meet some amazing people. Some of these people who come in are only staying the night before catching an early flight to their holiday destination (or to visit family over seas). However, we also get a lot of contracted builders who are working on shops in Gatwick Airport or are working on other hotels in the areas are have their board covered by the company they work for. So there are several guys who have become regulars. They'll walk in and I know what to pour for them, because they always get the same drinks. I often write about the conversations I have with the regulars. I often write about some of the talks I have with the holidaymakers who are flying out tomorrow (or are coming in to have a holiday here in the UK).

Life isn't all sun and smiles, but I'm learning to keep smiling despite all the turmoil going on around me.

If I discovered one thing about myself its that journaling about my thoughts and how I'm feeling really helps keep my mental health in a good place. Its one of the biggest form of help in the journey I'm on with my mental health. I had hoped to have dealt with the battle with my mental health by no, that it would be dealt with already. However, I do think that my battle with my mental health will be ongoing. Its something I might end up fighting with for the rest of my life. Thankfully I live in an age where my mental health difficulties are taken seriously by the British health system (the NHS in my area has a very good reputation for its mental health support). I am on medication for my depression and another big form of release is my writing. Writing is a huge release for me and Andy openly encourages me to journal regularly and can tell if I haven't been writing. this last week I went about five days without writing anything, and he could tell, by how I was acting, that I hadn't written. More than that, I can feel it deep within myself, that I hadn't put pen to paper.

My Chai Tea Latte, made with Nescafé's Dolce Gusto Mini Me

As I write this, I have a hot drink, a chai tea latte, sitting next to me. Often I've found that whenever I need to write the best way to actually write a good entry, the best way to help the flow of thoughts is to sit with a hot drink. I'm sitting at my desk, in the lounge of the flat, with my journal, my mug of chai and my camera all sitting next to me. My mind works best when I feel like I can sit and write in a space that isn't hindered by time or by a schedule. Thoughts need to flow into my pen onto the paper. I'm using a cheap WHSmith's pen because my Parker Pen's broken and I can't afford to buy a new one, which frustrating because nothing compares to using that brand of pen, especially the more expensive ones. It would really bless me if I could afford another one, but I have other financial priorities.

I will keep writing, indifferent to the pen that I use, or the book I use, I will keep writing because it helps me mentally. I need to make sure that my mind stays as healthy as I can keep it. Journalling is the greatest form of keeping my mind healthy, that and remembering to take my medication on a daily basis.

Until next time.

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