Attempting To Journal

I've been struggling with my journaling recently. It's partly because I've been busy with working behind the bar at Travelodge and life has been pretty hectic recently, what with church and Slimming World (another post is coming soon on that). Work gives me loads of stuff to write in my journal about; stuff that I'm not going to write about here (due to the sensitive nature of a lot of what I come across and the repetitiveness of it all). So I've often ended up writing short entries when I get home from work in the early hours of the morning or when I've got some time off. Its a therapy for me that I dearly miss doing and I'm desperately in need of sitting down and grabbing my pen to write my life into the pages of my book. I've also discovered that the times I've sat down to write I've not had the energy to pick my pen up to write. Its really frustrating because I've sat and stared at the blank page and the pen. I have a lot of stuff to write about but its finding the energy to empty my brain. 

I'm planning to give myself more time to write, and actually force myself to write, because I know how much it helps. Many of you who have been reading my entries over the last few months, and years, are aware that I've been battling depression for a while now, which I am on medication for. Writing in a journal has been one of the greatest self-medications that I've come across and its why I keep forcing myself to write, even when I don't want to or don't have the energy to empty my brain properly. Andy can usually tell when I've been journaling because of the effect that writing has on me. It releases a lot of the thought "swarms" I have. I say thought "swarms" because my thoughts tend to swarm like a hive of angry bees and if I don't write in days, I find that my mind is full of thoughts that need to be put onto paper and if I don't, it becomes extremely difficult to focus on anything, so everything around me suffers.

Even though I do struggle writing in my journal I do love it dearly. The coolness of the pen in my hand, and the smell of the paper in front of my hand. Its a beautiful feeling. I love watching the ink flow into the page under the nib as I write, gently, across the page. The fountain pan is a beautiful pen to write with and doesn't need a lot of pressure to use. All you need to do is use a small amount of pressure to get the ink flowing. Though being left handed, I do have to make sure that the ink doesn't get all over the side of my hand and smudge what I'd just written. So writing with a fountain pen is an art that I really love. 

So I'm gonna sign off now and go write in my journal. There's a lot to write about and I'm sure I'll share with you over the next few weeks, so stay posted!