Learning To Totally Trust God

One of the hardest things to do is to trust God when things aren't going the way you'd want them to. I'm learning this at the moment. I quit my job about a month ago, without a job to leave to, and I didn't expect I'd still be unemployed a month later. Its been a case of waiting, looking and dealing with high levels of frustration (I'll write about why I did this in a later post).

I've had a few trials and interviews since I left my old job. Both the first trail and the first interview, for two different jobs, come to nothing as I never even heard back from either company about the outcome of both the job and the trail (this left me with the conclusion that I didn't get either position and both weren't professional enough to call me back afterwards, as you'd expect them to).

Then last week I had two different interviews back to back (one on a Wednesday, and one the following day), so I was rather hopeful, and the fact that I got offered the first one was a huge boost, even though it was in Brighton. However, after the rather insightful meetings on Wednesday (July 16th), I realised that this job was not for me. It was basically a self-employed position working with a promotional company, on commission. I'll explain. So if I signed x amount of people on for a charity, giving y amount of money a month for z amount of time (preferably for longer than a year), I'd get paid a certain amount of money from the charity's delegated fundraising money. Doesn't sound that bad? Just wait, because this job is on commission, it basically means I'll be self-employed and working with the company. They aren't paying me, I'm working for myself, and being paid though the company, by the charity I'm promoting. I hope I make sense.

The biggest down side of this is the fact that going self-employed meant dealing with taxes at the end of the tax year (April, I think). If I'm honest, there's too many risks with doing this. I don't want to risk getting into trouble with Her Majesty's tax offices for not paying my taxes properly. I'd rather work for someone (and let them sort out the taxes), rather than work with someone, as would the case have been if I'd stayed with this company.

So I'm back to job hunting. Its getting rather desperate because my bank account isn't a bottomless pit. I'm not getting frustrated because I need a job and I need it soon. I have bills to pay. I know God has the right job out there for me, but I don't know how much longer I can wait as I don't know where the money is going to come from. God has provided for me before, and I know he's provided for other people (I've heard the stories), its just always so hard to have faith when nothing seems to be happening. Its even worse, when something seems to be happening, and then it falls through and I end up back at square one.

When I was on the train home after that rather insightful day in Brighton, I almost completely drained my phone battery by spending time online applying for jobs (mainly in Crawley and at Gatwick Airport). I also walked through Crawley with a few copies of my CV, applying for jobs whenever I see an add in a shop window (it worked before, and I'm hoping it works again).

Before I sign off, I just want to ask that you'd stand with me and pray for a breakthrough with my work situation.