Run Gatwick: The Truth

Don't feel guilty for doing what's best for you.

Over the last few months, you may have noticed that I've been extremely silent in regards to my training that I said I was doing for the Run Gatwick half marathon that took place this morning here in Crawley. The truth has to be told. I couldn't afford to pay for the entry fees for the run, as I had other financial priorities and because I hadn't committed myself to the run, I didn't bother training. Well, there was my lack of training and the fact that I couldn't motivate myself to even bother taking care of myself mentally, let alone physically. So when the Run Gatwick half marathon took place this morning, I wasn't one of the runners. I was sitting in my flat overlooking part of the course. I only ventured out to get some much needed shopping done. It was hard to see those runners go past and knowing that I'd let myself down and that I could have been one of them if I'd really tried since I had hoped I'd be ready to do it, and that I'd be able to pay for the entry fee. However, I have next year's Run Gatwick to prepare for; mentally, physically, financially.

I guess this ties in with the battle I've been having with myself over the last month, in regards to my weight and thus my energy to go to the gym. I've been struggling to keep on track with Slimming World, more so than ever before. I've been successfully getting through a few days and then it'll all fall apart, by which point I couldn't get myself up onto my feet again to even contemplate finding a way back onto the bandwagon in time for the next weigh in. It's been exhausted. I was waiting for something to click, except it never did. I was always too late and the scales always told me the truth each Saturday morning. I always made myself go, even when I knew the outcome wouldn't be good. I've been gaining again. Then yesterday the click happened. I wanted to wait and see if I'd fail on my day off (I'd booked today off as a holiday because of the half marathon). It's usually been my days off when I've ended up letting my syn count slip upwards of 15 syns. I stopped writing everything down. Now I'm forcing myself to do it again. Everything goes into the black book, even if I don't want it to. I'm just hoping that this next week is gonna be a good one.

In hindsight I'm glad didn't run the half marathon today. I wasn't ready to run it and at the end of the day I had to decide what was best for me. It's why I still go to Slimming World each week. It's my attempt at starting a fresh each week and to find redemption in my own way. Please respect what I've shared. This is my journey I'm choosing to let you in on.