The Subtle Art to Staying Sane - Part 2

"Be who you are, not who the world wants you to be." -Coco Channel

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Over the last few weeks, things haven't been easy for me due to a number of reasons. The most obvious reason is that I am looking for a new job in this uncertain time. The other reason is that I'm in the process of having my medication changed, for the second time in the last month. It has left me feeling very uncertain about many things. In a way, I am grateful that I'm finally able to look for work in a field that may help me. When I worked as a bartender, I was forced to spend a lot of time silently fighting my anxiety. So I'm currently looking for a job that won't effect my anxiety so badly. 

Some of you may know that I've been fighting depression for years now, and have been on medication for a while to help fight that. I recently started the process of trying to find something that will help me mentally whilst reducing the side effects that have been plaguing me. At the end of the day, I would love to be completely free of medication, however, that isn't the best idea with where I am at with the job hunting situation. I can only explore the option of coming off my medication when everything around me is a lot more stable. Due to the uncertainty of job hunting and the lockdown, introduced by the government in an attempt to counter the spread of COVID 19 (otherwise known as Coronavirus), my anxiety has been all over the place. I should point out that it isn't nearly as bad as it was before, I used to get really bad panic attacks at my old job on an almost daily basis (its the biggest reason why I'm not looking for work in the hospitality industry). The NHS staff at my clinic have been incredible in helping me find the medication that will work best for me. I still have a deep-rooted mistrust of doctors and hospitals (thanks to a few nightmarish situations as a young child). Whilst I know that I'm prone to being a pessimist, I'm fighting to keep things looking up. I won't give up hope of finding a job. I know how difficult it can be to find work in the time we're in. Some people have spent months, years even, looking for work. I won't let myself think negatively, in regards to work. If I don't find work right now, it's not the end of the world. I will keep choosing to bless the Lord's name, no matter what happens. Good news is that it has left a deep sense of peace in my heart. I may not have work but I am in the hands of an all-powerful God, who loves me and wants the best for me. He will bring the right job along at the right time.

Whilst I'm home I've started to focus more on practicing and perfecting my knitting. I started teaching myself to knit just before I lost my job, and discovered that you can take knitting needs through security as long as they're plastic (I would suggest checking with the airport you're traveling through before taking your knitting needs with you, just in case things are done different). I had to teach myself how to knit because there is literally no material out there for the left-handed knitter. Everything I've come across is designed for the right-handed user. So I've had to swap the instructions round, so when the video or the website says something about the needle being in one hand, I've had to mentally tell myself that the needle is actually in the other hand. It took me weeks to figure out how to do the garter stitch, albeit with a lot more guesswork than the tutorials on YouTube videos I've watched. Any suggestions to left-handed material would be welcome!